I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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