I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
