Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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