Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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