I got her a Nickelback box set.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
