youre lurking in front of me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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