we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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