No awkward lesbian experiences without me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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