my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
