I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
