do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
