you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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