I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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