i was born a porn star she said
even my farts smell like vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
