why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize