If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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