the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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