It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
