3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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