apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
