I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
