Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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