Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
