If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
