Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
