she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
