so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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