Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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