god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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