Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
