Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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