do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
