I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
