i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
