wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk is not a location!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
