We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
