$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
