In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
