Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize