I faked an abortion last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
