It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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