is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was confusing and full of hummus
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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