if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
