I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
