Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
