i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
