so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
