Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Even my vagina gasped.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
