You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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