The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
