I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
