u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
