I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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