I want to have your abortion
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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