final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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