is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
