we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dick very happy bro
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
why is half of my head shaved?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
