I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
