I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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