Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
