it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
