my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
