finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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