he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
