Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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