got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
