He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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