mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
