youre lurking in front of me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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