She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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