i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
