i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
