Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
