tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
