My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
