the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
