On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
