I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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