So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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