we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize