I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
