East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
